What happens when someone crosses a red line in your life? You put them aside, but other people choose to stand by their side.
There are people with whom we decide not to share anything because they stopped being a safe space. We don’t get to that point overnight; we get there after a lot of pain.
Sometimes, driven by a need for support or a sense of impotence, we have to share what happened, and many people end up becoming aware of it. Sometimes the issue isn't even private—it’s in the public domain.
And yet, some people decide to keep their links to that person. They say things like:
When that happens, something very painful occurs: I force myself to empathize and lower my own red flags. I tell myself, "Maybe they didn't understand the gravity of the matter," or "Maybe I’m overreacting," or "Maybe I need the money." I do this to make it less painful—to avoid losing the people I love. But that emotional work is exhausting.
However, if the people staying by that person’s side are not as important to me, I find I don't have the energy or the time to empathize. In those cases, I simply distance myself. There are so many wonderful people out there!
If we choose to get close to someone who is hurting people, some might tolerate that, but some might never want to get close again.
If I stay by your side even while you get close to sketchy people, it is because I love you a lot. Don’t you ever forget all the hard work I am making myself do in order to not send everything to hell.